Tuesday, October 20, 2009

This can't possibly be real, can it?

So very fat and so very stupid.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Bumper sticker douche

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On my way into work today, a car passed me with the following bumper stickers on it:

1) Minor Threat
2) The Clash
3) I don't brake for Yankees fans
4) Fast pitch softball!


What a fucking badass, huh?

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Just shut the fuck up.

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This rules for so many reasons.




This is nearly as good. Too bad Trey looks like such a douche. His solo is mind blowing though.

Stop being a fucking dickbitch.

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You know who you are. You're the fucking dumb dick in front of me every time I go through the "Fast Lane" (total misnomer) at the toll booth who slows down to a near stop before going through. Why? Why do you almost stop in the "Fast" Lane? Oh right, it's because you are such a retarded fuck and you don't have your transponder attached to your windshield like you're are supposed to. So instead you have to fish for the fucking thing in your purse or glove box. ("Glove box", incidentally, was Spanish Johnny's sister's nickname in high school.) Now, please tell me why you are so afraid to keep your Fast Lane transponder affixed to your windshield. Is it because you're frightened that someone will steal it and charge tens of dollars as they drive care-free between the two states that accept Fast Lane? Is it because it impairs your vision? Well I'm sure looking into your purse and sorting through all the vaginal yeast creams, used condoms and pictures of naked Chinese dentists in order to locate the transponder while driving doesn't impair your vision at all, huh? Honestly, I hope next time you're pausing at the Fast Lane to fetch your transponder a truck with a payload of medical waste tips over on you, dropping thousands of A.I.D.S., Hep C and Bleeding Asshole Disease (it's a problem in some third world countries) infected hypodermic needles into your open sun-roof. Each little prick of a needle inching you closer to a painful death.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

No, our priorities are straight

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Kanye West makes three (3!) public apologies to Taylor Swift for interrupting her fucking MTV award acceptance speech but that racist fucking rude republican pig, Joe Wilson, refuses to apologize more than once for interrupting the fucking President of the United States? Fuck you. And fuck the fucking gay media for sucking so much balls. And fuck this gay blog for existing. I hate it.

Friday, September 4, 2009

This has not been photoshopped in any way

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More like "Fairyland."

Homo milk. Yes, that's the name of a dairy product sold in Canada. "Homo" is short for homogenized (I hope). My brother sent the carton to me many years ago. Only now did I feel comfortable enough to share it with you.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Did you ever know that you're my hero...

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Check out this fucking awesome story about a man who slapped a stranger's baby (a baby who probably deserved it) in a Wal-Mart. Now, before you go thinking that this man was me, I want to assure you that I would never, ever, ever set foot in a Wal-Mart. Not even for the awesome opportunity to slap the shit out of someone's baby.

From www.inquisitr.com

Author : Kim LaCapria Posted: September 2, 2009

Anyone who’s had to shop at Wal-Mart knows that a cacophony of screeching babies is part of the tapestry of America’s most gigantic retailer. A South Carolina man decided he wasn’t going to stand by quietly and allow the child to persist in ruining his otherwise pleasant Wal-Mart shopping experience. After threatening the child’s mother, he slapped the 2-year-old girl “four or five times” across the face. Sonya Mathews, the mother of the 2-year-old child, told police that both were walking in the aisles of the Rockbridge Road store when Roger Stephens, 61, approached and said “if you don’t shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you,” according to a police report. A few moments later, in another aisle, Stephens grabbed the 2-year-old and slapped her across the face four or five times, according to the report. Stephens then told Mathews, “See, I told you I would shut her up,” according to the report. According to reports, Mathews was detained by a bystander until police arrived. When questioned, the 61-year-old man explained that while he had indeed slapped a strange baby across the face, he apologized to her mother afterwards. He was still booked for felony cruelty to children.



Now look at the guy who did it.

Jerry Van Dyke from "Coach" ?



The sad part of this is that the authorities didn't recognize that the real child abuse occurred when that loser mother subjected her kid to a trip to Wal-Mart.




No, my baby punching videos ignited a firestorm of controversy on the level I anticipated.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Aw, what a cute baby!



Who is this maniac?

NEW ADDITION:

You be the judge. Which take is the better take?


Thursday, July 2, 2009

"isn't this weather just the worst?"





Yeah, it is. And we all fucking know it, so stop making it even worse with your bullshit, inane fucking elevator small talk, you fat fucking load. 

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Deadophile



No, he doesn't look exactly like this right now. 

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

If I hold the elevator door open for you...



...you'd better fucking at least acknowledge me, bitch. If you're pregnant and you don't thank me or even acknowledge me, what I should do is punch you in the gut and watch that little faggot kid of yours spill out on the floor, but instead I''ll probably just smile uncomfortably and silently wish A.I.D.S. upon you. 

It's called class people. Get some. I already have more than I can handle. 

Friday, June 19, 2009

Otherwise known as Janice Dickinson's vagina




Smelly 'corpse flower' attracts large crowd

St. Louis -- A rare, smelly "corpse flower" at the University of Missouri in St. Louis drew hundreds of visitors and thousands of webcam spectators.
Greenhouse manager Kathy Upton said Monday that the nearly 5-foot-tall plant bloomed from Saturday afternoon until midday Sunday. She described the smell as similar to that of a dead animal on the side of the road. The smelly plant gives off a distinctive odor to attract insects that pollinate.
Upton said a different "corpse flower" bloomed at the greenhouse in 2001. The plant that bloomed this weekend hadn't done so in 14 years. She said there's no way to predict when it will bloom.

HEY-OH!!!!!!!!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Yet another G.O.P-iece of shit is exposed as a hypocrite.




FUCKING HYPOCRITE!

By RANDY JAMES for TIME.com

 The news blindsided official Washington: Sen. John Ensign, a well-known social conservative and family-values advocate, admitted on June 16 to an eight-month extramarital affair with a married campaign aide. The Nevada Republican's sober confession, read before a pack of reporters in Las Vegas, doubtlessly dashed the hopes of many in the party who considered Ensign an emerging national leader. The 51-year-old even fanned the flames of presidential speculation earlier this month, with a trip to the key presidential state of Iowa. Beyond embarrassing the second-term Senator, the revelation opened him to charges of hypocrisy: he had previously called on both President Clinton and former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig to resign after their own sex scandals.


Here's what Jay Leno would've had to say about it if he were still on TV: 

"Maybe it's time for Mr. Ensign, to- hee-hee-hee- RESIGN!!!"

Here's what David Letterman will have to say about it: 

"I'll bet he had a GRAND OLD PARTY...in her pants!!!"

Here's what David Letterman will say about it as heard through the ears of Sarah Palin:

"...And number one on the top 10 list of things I want to do before my next heart attack: I want to fuck Willow Palin in the ass!!!!!!"

Here's what I have to say about it:

"Did anyone hear that Bruce Springsteen performed with Phish the other night?"


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

No, a lot of people will care about this.




Bruce Springsteen's appearance on stage with Phish the other night is not as "out there" as one might think. 

Bruce used to be the leader of a heavy metal/jam band known as Child which then became Steel Mill which then became Dr. Zoom & The Sonic Boom which then became The Bruce Springsteen Band. Check this heavy shit out, faggots. 


In 1995, he also guested with Solar Circus (a Jersey jam band from the 90's) and fucking blew people's minds with an unexpected solo on their original tune "Brighter Days." Of course, he also did "Mustang Sally" with them. That seems to be his jam band go-to tune. Check out the performance (and the goofy, ecstatic faces of the band) here: 


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Oh, so that's why I spontaneously ejaculated without provocation the other night.




That's right, my two worlds came together (and I with them) on Sunday night when the God of Gods, Bruce Springsteen, joined the ultimate guitar God, Trey Anastasio (and his band Phish) on stage for three songs. Of course, I wasn't there to witness it but let me assure you it was an epic meeting that caused many a spontaneous ejaculation to occur. That being said, the music that came out of that meeting blew my mind more in theory than it did in it's execution. Nonetheless, it was better than anything the gay, over-rated Beatles ever did. 

Trey introduced Bruce to a crowd not familiar with or, quite frankly, respectful of Bruce Springsteen as "my boyhood hero and still my hero today." Fuck yeah he was, Trey, and all those wanna-be hippie faggots better recognize!


Then they launched into "Mustang Sally" with Bruce singing. This song was some common ground for the two distinctly different acts so it was a natural for them. Trey and Bruce traded guitar solos and, of course, Trey clearly came out as the better player but that's not what it was about. I've heard Bruce shred solos before but his style is usually much more visceral. This time it just came off  sloppier. As was his voice. It was rough. But none of that mattered. Here was Bruce Springsteen, Trey's and my idol, saying "come on Trey, play that thing!" It was fucking awesome if a little awkward at times.  They then jumped into the Bruce-penned "Bobby Jean." Apparently, Phish played it in the wrong key and Bruce sang like pure shit (probably because it was in the wrong key). It was just horrible....until Trey killed it with another solo that the song sorely needs when performed by Bruce. Immediately after that, they kicked into "Glory Days." Again, this stared off a bit rocky but soon wound up just plain rocking the fuck out. After all the verses had been sung in their typical fashion, Trey took over and fucking added newfound life to this song. Then Trey and Bruce once again played some dueling guitars and elevated the whole end to a joyous all out rawk fest. Watch the whole thing right here:




Blows your fucking head out your asshole, right? 

No? Go fuck yourself. You have no taste. I hope you die. Right now. 


Shut the fuck up, you stupid fucking cunt.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Your assHoliness, Pope Benedict XVI


"It is a 'shameful tragedy' people go hungry in the world, pope says" (from his solid-gold throne.)


By Carol Glatz
Catholic News Service

VATICAN CITY (CNS) -- One of the most urgent and critical social problems afflicting the world today is the "shameful tragedy that one-fifth of humanity still goes hungry," Pope Benedict XVI told members of the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences.

"Assuring an adequate food supply, like the protection of vital resources such as water and energy, requires all international leaders to collaborate in showing a readiness to work" toward eliminating social inequalities between countries and communities, he said in an address May 4.

"For Christians who regularly ask God to 'give us this day our daily bread,' it is a shameful tragedy" that so many people go hungry and are malnourished, he said.

Some 25,000 people die from hunger every day and one child dies every six seconds of malnutrition or starvation, according to the United Nations' World Food Program.

Um yeah it is a fucking tragic problem. One that you could easily solve. Why don't you start by selling the fucking bejeweled hats and robes? Check this out; I googled "what is the Vatican worth?" and got this answer:  In an interview published in Money Week, Cardinal Edmund C. Szoka, the Vatican's "finance minister", claims that The Vatican's assets are $5 billion. he adds that " Income to the Holy See from bishops' dioceses has more than tripled from 1990 levels, to $22 million in 2000." he also says, "That [$5 billion] doesn't include the Vatican City, which has a separate financial statement. 

Seems to me that sitting on all that fortune while others starve is a little, well, un-Christian, dont 'ya think? Even Jesus is disgusted by your selfishness, Vatican City. If you donated just a tenth of that money, you'd help millions of starving, ill people. And no doubt would inspire other nations to help out as well. But nooooooo, you cling to all your gold and look the other way. Fucking dicks. See you in Hell. 









Monday, April 27, 2009

The HypoChrists


The amazing website "Focus on the Family" has done it again. They have shown me the light!! Here are their thoughts on how greedy corporations utilize questionable marketing strategies to get your kids to buy their products. Hmmm, I smell some serious hypocritical shit coming on. I now present to you their words verbatim.  My comments are in red, obviously. 

Marketing Strategies. 

Advertisers know the possible long-term benefits of marketing to kids. Here are several of their strategies (which we employ, embrace and fully abuse in the Catholic church)

Corporations research kids’ fantasies, artwork and behavior to understand what techniques will best affect them. (Yeah, that's how you market shit, dickweeds. Why does Focus on the Family try to make this practice seem so insidious? Like marketers are violating your children's rights. Oh wait, that's right, only their priests can do that with their touchy-feely hands and mouths. What the fuck?)

Children like to collect things. Some notable companies have capitalized on this by making a variety of products and then convincing kids that they have to obtain them all. Pokémon and Ty Beanie Babies are two corporations who have been especially good at this technique. (Ummm, maybe you should look within your own web store, Focus on the Family. )

Toy companies personify their stuffed animals and dolls, giving them names and birthdays. (December 25th anyone?) This strategy allows kids to connect with their toys as if they were real. (Not at all like the "Armor of God" bear they sell. See photo below)

Clubs for kids are a great way of gaining brand loyalty because children enjoy feeling like they belong. Examples of such clubs include Disney, Burger King, MTV (Church school) and Nickelodeon. Kids are exposed constantly to advertising at school. (But never at Church. No, we would never do that. Oh by the way, have you seen the posters in the hall encouraging you to go to our institute? Yeah, ignore those.) 

“Kidfluence” or “pester power” — marketing lingo encourages kids to influence their parents’ spending. (Pssst, kids. Check out "Holy Land" in Orlando!) 

“Buzz marketing” or “street marketing” refers to companies’ efforts to get popular kids in a neighborhood to wear or use their products, thus automatically making their merchandise fashionable. (But not like this WWJD bracelet we sell)

“Cross-selling” is when two or more companies advertise each other’s products to reach a broader audience. For example, Burger King made a deal with the makers of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Before the movie came out, Burger King promoted the characters. In return, Burger King was included in the movie. Cross-selling is a more complicated version of licensing. (VeggieTales anyone?)

Marketers of teen movies and video games pursue children by advertising violent action toys.
Although kids aren’t supposed to be allowed to watch them, PG-13 and R-rated movies are marketed directly to children under 17. (Thank goodness there's no violence or sex in the Bible.) 


The "Armor of God" bear (available on the Focus on the Family web store ) includes "a parents' guide to help introduce and reinforce Christian values. Recommended for ages 3 and up." Enough said.

Oh and just in case you think I'm unfairly picking on this wonderful organization that only wants to help people become better human beings, check this article out, yo!



Not too going to Hell. 

Monday, April 20, 2009

Ah Patriots' Day. When a young man's thoughts turn to freedom, liberty and kicking children in the face.



Any child who is afraid of dogs should be kicked in the face with steel-tipped boots. That way, instead of cute little dogs, it will be humans (and boots) that will paralyze them with fear. Which makes sense because dogs are friendly about 95% of the time, whereas humans are friendly about 70% of the time, conservatively. So naturally, your queer little kid should be taught to fear humans, not dogs. Next time your kid cries when he sees a friendly dog approach tell him to stop being such a fucking pussy. Don't coddle him and make it think this extremely gay behavior is okay. If that fails, kick him in the face. You'll be doing all of us a favor. 







Not too patrioty

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The most condescending interview of all-time.





The fucking furor over this woman's performance is ridiculous. If she wasn't a hideous troll, Diane Sawyer wouldn't even be interviewing her, Simon Cowell wouldn't be raising his eyebrows at her, and that hot little bitch judge certainly wouldn't be doing that "oh my God!" face. I love how that blond cunt looks at her like "how could this be? How could she be talented in any way? She's ugly!" (see clip below) 


What the fuck is wrong with this world? Why is everyone so amazed that Susan Boyle has a beautiful singing voice? Because she's ugly? It's so fucking demeaning. Of course she can have talent. She's just like anyone else. Just a lot, well, more disturbing to look at. But the masses eat it up. They think they are being nice. It's this false niceness that is totally selfish and only serves to make the person acting "generous" feel better. The fact that a daily news show is even doing a story on this woman is so unbelievably pathetic. Then again so is the fact that I call Good Morning America a "daily news show." But still not as pathetic as the people who think they are being so bighearted by accepting- nay, praising- her. Did you hear that audience cheering like she just queefed out the Star Spangled Banner (what, you wouldn't cheer madly for that?) after she sang one friggin' note? Of course, I'm not naive, I'm pretty sure the producers added in that ridiculously over-enthusiastic cheering sound extra early in her performance. But the shots of the audience still tell a tale. They really pity Susan Boyle but are so afraid of their feelings that they then over-compensate to the point of embarrassment. It's like all these fucking condescending Christians who go to cancer wards in hospitals and talk about the glory of heaven with kids who are staring death in the face. You think your little made up fairy tale about a kingdom in the clouds is gonna cheer those kids up? Fuck you. And to all those people who look at Susan Boyle and say "awww, she's so talented. Isn't that great?" Fuck you too. You are all uglier on the inside than she will ever be on her fat, hideous, God-awful outside. 



Not too goblin-y

You fat fucking fuck!


When I, as a licensed driver of a motor vehicle, give you permission to cross the street in front of my car, you'd damn fucking well better make a God damned effort to do it in a timely fashion. Don't you dare stroll like it's your God-given right. Move your fat fucking ass now, you filthy pig! Don't dawdle (in your case, waddle) and check your e-mail on your faggoty-assed PDA. Just cross the street quickly, okay? Okay, thank you. You fat tub of useless shit. 

                                                                                          
(Note: this is not the fat fucking whore who 
lumbered across the street this morning but 
it is a close facsimile)                                                                                                                                                                                              
              



Not too faggoty. 

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What's up, faggots? I'm back!!!!





Discuss. 









Not too typical of a Sunday afternoon at my house. 

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Wow. Does this prove how fucking dumb NASCAR fans (and republicans) are or what?



April Fooled: NASCAR Hoax Causes Web Frenzy
by Claudine Zap
April 1, 2009 03:05:41 PM

Sure, April Fools' Day comes but once a year, and some silly stories have been making the rounds. (Stairmasters in the NYC subway? Brad and Angelina married? Really? No.) But one thing is now clear: Keep the jokes away from NASCAR.

All Car and Driver magazine tried to do was drive a little levity into the auto industry bailout with a prank. The serious publication ran a joke story that announced that Obama had ordered Chevrolet and Dodge out of NASCAR if they wanted to keep their federal funds. For a brief web-fueled moment, NASCAR fans had to imagine a future of cheering on Japanese cars. Or worse, French ones. The horror.

Immediately, the Internet went crazy, with searches on "obama nascar" accelerating in Search and zooming across Twitter. Although the story was clearly marked a hoax, Car and Driver eventually pulled the fake story and apologized for going "too far."

Not to worry, NASCAR fans: Nobody's pulling out of NASCAR. Yet. As Automobile magazine's blog noted nervously, "Let's just hope that the auto task force doesn't read this and get any ideas."


Wow. You fucking retarded fucks. NASCAR could not be a bigger waste of time and money. I hope you all die in NASty CAR accidents. Tee-hee.

Why won't this fucking bitch release this song?




First of all, this ad blows. I only want you to listen to the song. Fucking sweet, right? Well, this whore, Cat Power- whose real name is Chan (pronounced "Shawn." Not too annoying and pretentious) Marshall- has a beautiful, sultry voice, writes amazing original songs and does brilliant covers of songs. She also happens to be a stubborn cunt. She did this incredible version of David Bowie's "Space Oddity" and now won't release it for her fans to enjoy. What an asshole. 




Wednesday, March 18, 2009

In vitriol





I was on the elevator this morning and there was this "guy" who was talking to two co-workers (also men, sort-of) about "the baby." He spoke of how his baby boy and his daughter sleep in the same room so when the baby cries he wakes up the daughter and she gets nervous when she hears the baby cry so he and his wife try to calm her down as they're trying to also calm the baby dow.....oh Jesus, just shut the fuck up already!! The fact that I know that much about your kids now makes me sick to my stomach. And the two co-workers who sat there and empathized like middle-aged women sitting around a table playing Canasta are equally as nauseating. Each one waiting to jump into the conversation with his own "well my kid..." horror story. What a bunch of fags. Seriously. No one - and I mean no fucking one- wants to hear you complain and/or even talk about your kids. You are not allowed to complain about the fucking choice that YOU made, okay? You are the asshole who in all likelihood entered into parenthood without the proper amount of thought an enormous decision like that requires. You don't just become a parent because "all my life I've just wanted a family." It's so much bigger than that. I can't believe how many of you assholes don't even consider the unbelievable upheaval in your life having child creates. Unfortunately, many of you douchefucks think choosing to have a baby is like choosing a jar of raspberry preserves. That's right, I went with raspberry, spelled the proper way, thank you. Oh, I could've gone with apricot or even apple butter but I fucking chose raspberry. Probably put more thought into that decision than you did about having a child. It's amazing. I bet overall -if such a thing could be measured- people in this country put more thought into having abortions (raspberry jelly anyone?) than they do into actually having kids. And I don't mean that anyone having kids should consider abortion first. I mean, for those who want an abortion, it seems more thought goes into that decision than other people who want kids put into that decision. My point is not that people should carelessly choose abortion, of course. It's that having a baby is so much of a bigger decision than not having one. But no one sees it that way. They see having a child as a right of passage or as a biological imperative. It's not. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. It's like you need a license to buy a dog. Or drive a car. Hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father...wait, did I just paraphrase a Keanu Reeves character? Fuck yeah, I did. Check in next week when I ponder the benefits of suicide on society and I quote Reeves from "A walk in the clouds." Anyway, back to you and your shitty decision-making ass, Mr. Whiny Fuck in the elevator. You see, I have no sympathy for you. You chose to have kids. And no matter how you arrived at that decision whether it was through years of thoughtful contemplation or just because your wife wanted to have them and you were too much of a pussy to tell her otherwise, I feel you need to live quietly with your decision. Embrace it even. Yes embrace it. These are your kids after all. And if it's true that, as you so frequently tell the world - often just before you complain about them-,  "I love my kids and I would do anything for them......" then do them this one fucking favor, don't complain about them. If you love them, don't talk about how miserable they make you all the time.Easier said than done? Fuck you. It's easy to choose whether or not to complain. I make that choice every day on this gay fucking blog. I choose, of course, to complain. Loudly. And believe me, as someone who does not have kids, I know I can never understand what it's like. I get that. However, what I do understand is that 90% of the conversations I hear (and overhear) between parents are ones in which the common theme is complaining about how hard it is to have kids. Did you think it would be easy? Oh that's right, you didn't really think about it at all, did you? My bad, I forgot. 

Of course, the other 10% of conversations between parents involve bragging about their kids. Do you even listen to yourselves? Do you know how stupid and unoriginal you sound? It seems these days every child born is a bona-fide genius. In fact, I can't wait until the year 2025 when all these geniuses start curing cancer, inventing time-travel machines and creating sexy robots that look like real people but just fuck you 24 hours a day. I mean how could these kids not achieve monumental greatness when they could actually tell the difference between a blue crayon and a purple one at just 26 months!! Oh its going be glorious when these kids grow up. Thank you parents for bestowing this world with your little miracles. But I digress. This bragging that parents do, while being pretty annoying, is at least loving in a way. Though usually it's more for the parents' benefit than it is for the children's. It's more "see what an amazing child I have raised" than it is "see what amazing person he/she is." So everyone please stop bragging about your fucking kid too. Okay, yes, if your kid made the dining room table levitate then I might want to hear about it. Maybe. But I really don't want to be put in the awkward position of trying to act impressed when you tell me how brilliant your child is because at age four she legibly wrote "daddy's penis hurts me" in poo on the wall of her bedroom. Actually, if your kid writes that, please do tell me. Not because I'd enjoy it but, rather, because I'm actually the President of the Wall Shit Writers of America (the WSW for those in the know) and we're looking for new members no matter the age. But spare me when your kid does actually shit in the toilet, okay? It's not a monumental occasion for anyone other than you. And you know why it is for you? Because you have no fucking semblance of a life anymore. That kid is your life now. But hey, that's your choice. Good one. Enjoy that shit. Literally. 


PS> For all of my close friends who are reading this please note this post does not apply to you. You are all the greatest parents of all-time. And I think all of your kids are the most brilliant, creative, talented, intellectual kids I've ever known. In fact your kid - or kids - are better than anyone else's I know, including all our other friends. But don't tell them I said that. 



Not too abortiony. 



Not too born out of my wanting caring, thoughtful parents of my own. 



This is one of the images that was presented to me when I searched for "corporate man" on Google Images.




Yeah, that seems pretty accurate. 








Not too similar to Spanish Johnny's Fuck Muschi Shemale Anal Dildo Old Granny Nude Gallery Sarah Panty Madness Finger Girl Chilenas Desnudas Mujeres post. 

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Fuck you all! (except for my beloved Spanish Johnny)


Fuck 'Em, Suck 'Em Robots was a genius idea. 

You all are a bunch of fucking homos. 



Again, except for you Spanish Johnny

Monday, March 9, 2009

This will blow your mind out your ass.



This is more bizarre than yesterday's post about women who literally fall in love with inanimate objects. 

This fucking piece of shit has kids????? Fucking kids??? Some woman banged him??? Holy fuck.



It's fairly obvious that these people need serious help. I am shocked, however, by how "normal" they seem. I mean, I figured that if anyone was gonna be fucking animals they would either be completely strung out on drugs and doing it on film for money, or 100% drooling Down's Syndrome retarded. 

In this next clip, listen to the stunning story of how these women lost her "virginity" to dogs. No, I don't mean "dogs" like guys who are sleazy. I mean four-fucking-legged canines (I wonder if they do a canine sixty nine?). But the most amazing thing is how blasé they are about all of this. I mean, these two crazy cunts are in the kitchen cooking and talking about getting fucked by dogs with a casual tone that's more well-suited for a conversation about how their kids are doing in school. And the documentarian is a genius because he/she keeps focusing tight on the food this disgusting woman is preparing, making the point, I think, that it's quite ironic how she loves animals so much she fucks them but still eats meat. After seeing this, I don't think I can ever eat meatloaf or meatballs again. 



How much freakier can they get? Do you think the animal sex will become kinda routine to them after a while, like in any normal human-to-human relationship? Do they introduce role-playing? "Ooh tonight I'll be the mail carrier!" What about toys? Can't you just see one of these hideous women masturbating in front of her dog with a "Daily Growl?" (couldn't find a picture of the classic "Daily Growl" toy so the "Daily Rover" will have to do.)  
How can you possibly take it up a notch when you are already at the brink of sexual insanity? I wonder if there are people in the zoophile world - as there are in the human-to-human sexual realm- that are considered perverts. People who disgust even those who fuck dogs and horses. Like are there people who get shit and pissed on by their pet lovers? And are the more traditional zoophiles disgusted by this? What about the animal you choose? Dogs and horses seem to be okay but what if you banged an ostrich or a fish? Would you be shunned for such aberrant behavior? And just how far down the food chain do these people go? Is there a woman who gets off by coating the inside of her vahighna with sugar and waiting for a long line of ants to march on in? If only I was a documentarian. I would've asked all those questions. But I assume the answer to that last question is a resounding yes because what all of this seems to prove is that no matter what fucked up, insane sexual practice you can possibly dream up there is at least one person who is wholeheartedly into it. It's almost like if you took some of those poetry magnets and printed sexual acts and a bunch of random objects/animals on them and arranged them haphazardly, you'd find one person who would be like "Fuck yeah I love jacking off my South American six-toed tree frog onto an english muffin that was stuffed inside a dirty urinal for 6 months and eating it, you gotta fucking problem with that?" 



Not too human conditiony. 

"I want your fluids! I want your fluids!"



Buckle the fuck up, people.

I heard about this on Howard Stern this morning. It's really hard to believe it's for real. 





A better clip (which I could not embed for some reason) can be seen here. Truly fascinating and very, very sad. 





No, you're not too in love with my blog. 

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Awesomest idea ever. Don't fucking steal it.




Let it be known that today I am sharing with the world one of my most awesomest ideas ever. Are you ready? So you're familiar with the old "Rock 'em, Sock 'em Robots" toy of the late 70's right? Well that shit's outdated. I now give you..........




....Fuck 'em Suck 'em robots™. 


I only have the name, actually. I'll leave the rest up to the engineers, but I envision robots that fuck and suck each other. Or you. Either way, it's gold, Jerry, gold! Second only is my soon-to- be-seen-in-every-family-gameroom board game: Monopolygamy™. 




Not too fucky sucky

Actually, I wish more parents would do this.




God bless the fail blog




Not too faily. 

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Okay I want my money back now please.



I was alerted to "Bird Breath" by the Christian Humor website, a place where all good Christians can go to have a hearty ol' laugh. Lord knows they can't go to the abortion clinics where I go for a chuckle. Anyway, according to the Bird Breath (and let's face it, that title alone is PURE hilarity) website "BirdBreath is a light hearted satire. It offers a unique perspective that is guaranteed to make you laugh." Guaranteed? Well, here's just one hilarious example of Bird Breath's "humor."


Um, what the fuck is that? I've seen funnier, more unique perspectives on the nutrition labels of soup cans. If this motherfucker is making money off of this (and isn't that what being a Christian is all about?) my head is going to explode. Here's one more example of the genius of Bird Breath. 





Not too unfunny (this post, not the Bird Breath cartoons)

Friday, February 27, 2009

Is there a better fucking food than honey? I don't think so.






So golden, sweet and beautiful. It lasts forever. For fucking ever. Some assholes found honey in a 2000 year-old Egyptian tomb that was still edible and, in fact, tasty. 2000 fucking years! Suck on that, Maple Syrup, you fucking pussy. Name one other food source that will still be good to eat after two thousand fucking years. You can't you dipshit. There is only one. Fucking honey. God I love it. Fuck. I just want to dip my fucking cock in it it's so fucking good.

On a serious (otherwise known as gay) note, be cool and help save the honey bees, people. Buy honey. Support any charity you can to help preserve these amazing creatures, without whom we would all die. 










Not too trying to deflect from yesterday's ugly, mean post. 

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Crippled dick.




On the elevator today as the doors were about to close, this grey flanneled asshole with a gimpy, stroked-out walk and curled-up french-fry arm peered in. Naturally, some nice folks put their arms through the doors to keep them from closing this guy out. They even said "sorry" as if it were their fault that the doors were closing on him. Then this fucking broken bodied asshole walked (and I use that term loosely) in like the fucking King of Siam and took a spot right next to one of good citizens who helped him. Did he say thanks? Nope. Did he at least crack a smile? Fuck no. Did he ask in a commanding fuckwad tone to have his floor number pressed? Yep.  Fucking crippled dick. (No, I don't have a crippled dick.)






Not too cripply. 

Monday, February 23, 2009

Apparently I'm going to die any minute now.






Welcome to genetics, baby. You're gonna diiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!!!!



Last Friday I saw my sister-in-law for the first time in quite a while. Immediately she looked at me quizzically and asked about the creases on my head vaginas (oh, I should tell you that in my family we call ears "head vaginas") and if they had been there long. I was aware of the creases on my head vaginas that she was talking about. I replied "No, but I've had them for a while. Maybe ten years. Why?" I really wish I hadn't asked why because she replied with genuine concern that she had seen a show on MSNBC where they discussed how a distinct crease in the earlobe is an indicator that you will definitely die of a heart attack at some point. Probably soon. Yay!!!!!! What awesome news. Now, she was telling me this because she was concerned and thought I should know not because she was trying to scare me. But what she didn't know is that I'm an obsessive fucking freak and that for the next 72 hours, my soon to be imploding heart was all I could think about. I thought about my father who died of a heart attack at age 58. And his brother who died of a heart attack at 54. Of course turning to the internet for further information really helped me out. Thank goodness for the internet and all it's life-saving and comforting information. Next time you have any health issue like, say, shoulder pain, just Google it. You're likely to find - as my good friend pointed out today- that you either definitely have pancreatic cancer or maybe you pulled a muscle. So I read a bunch of articles on the internet about my ear creases. This was a fun one. And so was this one. Naturally, not all of the sites I visited spoke of imminent death. Many spoke of the fact that if you simply sleep on your side you could develop an ear crease. Or that an ear crease was an indicator of aging and nothing more. Did I pay attention to those? Fuck no. I was convinced I was going to die almost immediately. Going to sleep has been terrifying for the past few days because in the quiet of night (even with my requisite white noise fan on) I can hear my heart beating and I am convinced each one will be the last. Now I'm sure many of you are saying "MSG don't you want to die? You're such a miserable asshole in this life. Maybe you'd be happier dead." Well, yeah I'm a miserable asshole but I'm not too interested in dying. You see, I like life. I like being able to bore the two people who actually read this blog with my mindless drivel. So, no, I don't want to die. I just want everyone else to. 




Not too my last post ever. 

Friday, February 20, 2009

God I hope it's true.




Yes, this is a "friend of a friend" story but I really believe it's true. Or maybe I just really want it to be. I was told this story about ten years ago so the events took place probably 20 years ago. Anyway, here it is (told through the voice of my friend):

"So my buddy has a very loose connection to the Kennedy clan, like his mom is a 4th or 5th cousin, and one summer about 10 years ago he was visiting the "compound" in Hyannis, MA. Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger were there that weekend as well. So my buddy was down in the gym working out one morning when Arnold came in to do the same. They exchanged pleasantries but it was really like there was no connection between them at all. Like if Arnold had met a stranger on the street he would treat them the same way. But the kid was just so psyched to be working out in the same room as Arnold. So it's just the two of them down there and my buddy isn't going to quit before Arnold does so he just fuckin' pushes himself further and further. In fact, he thinks he's impressing Arnold a bit. No words are spoken but it's just a feeling he has. So my buddy is getting more and more psyched, the adrenaline is pumping, when Arnold finishes his workout. My buddy is actually benching as Arnold is leaving but stops just so he can say goodbye to him. Arnold says goodbye and then walks out the door...partially, then he pokes his head back in and says "Oh by the way, that weight you're lifting? It's pure faggotry" and shuts the door. My buddy was so deflated after that but all he could do was laugh."


That's right "Pure faggotry." Wow. What a fucking sentence. I thought I liked Arnold before. Now I fucking love him. 






Not too awesome. 

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

There's something uncomfortably large in my pants.





It's called a fucking tag. You know, the worthless little, well tag, that is for some unGodly reason stitched into the seam of your clothes more securely than any other stitching on the whole shirt or pants? The dumb fucking thing that tells you who made this particular garment and what size it is. And then on the back it usually tells you how to care for the item. Yeah whoever came up with this idea (and those who perpetuate its use) should have their children killed in front of them. These tags are a menace. Like annoying little polyester hemorrhoids they itch like fuck and cause major discomfort. Why do we need them? Honestly, what is their purpose? I've already bought the fucking shirt, I don't care who made it anymore. And exactly how retarded do you need to be to not grasp the proper way to launder a t-shirt? These days the tags are bigger than ever for some fucking unfathomable reason.  In one shirt recently purchased at The Gap (not too cool of me) the fucking tag took up a space larger than a pack of cigarettes on the back of my neck. And it was fucking sewn into the shirt with a thread that was easily a first cousin to barbed wire. I think I may be a touch autistic, like Asperger's syndrome (and no, that's not "assburgers" for all you dicks out there dying to pounce on me with a fat joke) because my skin is so ultra-sensitive that I barely can stand the touch of another human being (ladies, line-up for the catch of the century!) but even a normal person couldn't stand this Gap shirt tag, I'm sure of it. The fucking thing is so absurdly intrusive that it would be more comfortable if The Gap lined the shirt with the blood and feces of the 13 year-old slave-labor kids they "employ." Which makes me think, do these kids purposely make the tags extra uncomfortable because they're so angry? Do they intentionally stitch the tag seven times over with some sort of space polymer unbreakable thread while they sew the rest of the garment with something weaker than dental floss? Are they punishing me by sewing the tag in so intricately that when I use a seam-ripper (yes, I use a fucking seam-ripper like some doddering old grandmother) to remove them a de-stitching chain reaction begins that eventually unravels half of the cloth, leaving a huge hole in the shirt? Somebody's gotta take the blame here. I simply can't take it anymore. The tags need to stop. Yes, I am aware that there are companies now who claim to make "tagless" items but they are full of fucking shit because there still is a cunty little tag tucked into the side of these shirts. It's small but it has a little set of numbers printed on it. It's probably some kind of code to tell the underage army of seamstresses to keep working or their parents will be slaughtered. Huh? That doesn't make sense on any level. Whatever, fuck you, stop judging me. Before I go, I also have to mention that the cheap motherfuckers who manufacture clothing these days have really gone too far now. The tags were bad enough but another appalling trend appears to be unfolding. And that is the sewing of some sort of plastic material into the seams of t-shirts. I have no idea why they are doing this. Maybe it's an effort to strengthen the pathetically weak thread they use. I don't know. What I do know is I'm never fucking buying another t-shirt with an enormous tag or fucking cheap plastic lining sewn into the seams. That's right, I'm boycotting t-shirts! Who's with me? Let's go!!!!......Hello? Anyone there? (cue the crickets sfx) 

Fuck you all. Traitors. 









Not too stitchy.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

An A+ in assholery.



Over-protective, pussy parents fight the power in an attempt to teach their children that a little extra effort is really not necessary in life. 

Virginia Parents Fight for Easier Grading Standards


To the grade-grubbers go the spoils. And the grade-grubbers in this case are rabble-rousing parents in Virginia's Fairfax County. Residents of the high-powered Washington suburb have been battling the district's tough grading practices; chief among their complaints is that scoring a 93 gets recorded as a lowly B+. After forming an official protest group last year called Fairgrade and goading the school board into voting on whether to ease the standards, parents marshaled 10,000 signatures online and nearly 500 in-person supporters to help plead their case on Jan. 22. After two hours of debate, the resolution passed, a move critics consider a defeat in the war on grade inflation. (Read about students getting paid for good grades.)
At most schools in the U.S., a 90 earns you an A, but in Fairfax County, getting the goods demands a full 94. Merely passing is tougher, too, requiring a 64 rather than a 60. Nor do students get much help clearing those high bars if they take tougher courses. Compared to the kind of GPA "weighting" many districts give for Advanced Placement or International Baccalaureate courses, Fairfax County's half-point boost is peanuts. The upshot, protestors say, is that Fairfax kids are at a disadvantage on multiple fronts: snagging good-driver insurance discounts (which often factor in GPA), earning NCAA eligibility, winning merit scholarships, and - oh, yeah - getting into college. (See pictures of the college dorm's evolution.)
Sure, admissions officers say they take into account the fact that some schools are more rigorous than others. But as more universities downplay the SAT or drop it from consideration altogether, colleges are making it known that GPAs are more important than ever before. And this shift is fueling a growing firestorm over grades: 75 districts in 12 states have relaxed their grading standards since 2005. Meanwhile, attendees at the annual meeting of the Association of American Colleges and Universities this month in Seattle argued for ditching grades in college and instead using the long-form "narrative evaluations" already required by some universities. (Read more about an antidote to college rankings.)
Fairfax was never considering anything that drastic, but in response to parents' complaints, in April the superintendent launched a study on how the district's grading system affects students. (Fairgrade, initially a cosponsor of the study, jumped ship in December when its members disagreed with how the school board characterized the results.) Based on the findings released in early January - which showed that changing the scale would slightly boost GPAs but was inconclusive about whether this would help students get into better colleges - last Thursday the school board agreed to start using a higher premium for tough courses and to adopt a new variant of a 10-point grading scale.
Fairgrade is "cautiously optimistic," says the group's president Megan McLaughlin, a former Georgetown admissions officer whose three sons are 8, 11, and 13. Her husband is a Fairfax County high school grad, and McLaughlin says her in-laws recall fighting the current grading system in the late '70s before it was implemented in 1981. McLaughlin and others are cautious because the details of the new grading system still need to be ironed out.
The vote is also good news for local business leaders who have joined the Fairgrade effort, warning that families worried about their kids getting into good colleges may move out of the county if the school district doesn't change its grading system. Talk of a possible exodus killing off business and destroying property values sounds a tad melodramatic, but given the tanking market and ongoing credit crunch, it's no wonder people are trying to do everything thing they can to shore up the local economy. (See pictures of a diverse group of American teens.)
Opponents of Fairgrade counter that any move perceived as encouraging grade inflation could tarnish the school district's sterling reputation. Stuart Gibson, a Justice Department litigator serving his 14th year on the school board, voted for changing the grading system but will continue to oppose lowering the passing grade to 60. And he wants to maintain rigorous standards despite the three dozen e-mails he gets every day from Fairgrade supporters. He notes that in a neighboring district, 36% of students who graduated in June had a weighted GPA of 4.0 or higher. "I moved here from Minnesota, but I'd never been to Lake Wobegon," Gibson says, referring to the fictional town where all the children are above average. "Do we really want to have a reputation as an easy-A jurisdiction?" He adds, "It doesn't improve their achievement. It just improves their achievement on paper."
Gibson's foes argue that when you're talking about some of the best schools in the country, regular statistical rules don't apply. In 2007, for instance, Fairfax County's Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology produced 158 semifinalists in the prestigious National Merit scholarship competition - more than any other U.S. high school - and boasted the highest average SAT score in the country. Yet out of 432 seniors that year, according to McLaughlin, only 16 graduated with straight A's. "They happen to attend a school that has a large percentage of bright, high-performing students," she says. "You should hope that the student GPAs reflect the SAT averages, which are a national measure of the caliber and the abilities of the students." McLaughlin adds that high standards should come from tough teachers and a rigorous curriculum, not from artificially deflating grades.
Whether grade inflation exists and how it affects students has been debated at least since 1894, when a committee at Harvard declared that A's and B's were awarded "too readily." Princeton in 2004 became the only Ivy League school to adopt a grade deflation policy, including quotas for A's. To skeptics like Gibson, grades should be guides to help students see where they can improve, not rubber stamps to confirm a smart kid's hunch that he or she is smart - or gold stars on a resume. "Grades don't only exist to be reported to college admissions officers," he says. Gibson also rejects the Fairgrade argument that adjusting the standards would improve the dropout rate among those at risk of failing. "I don't think it helps any student to say, 'Well, we're going to lower the standard to pass so you can stay in school,'" he says. "When you go out in the world, there are certain skills and knowledge that you need to succeed."
Despite the apparent victory for Fairgrade, in the end both sides still have to manage expectations. Gibson recalls an e-mail he got from one parent: "It said, 'My daughter's a solid 'C' student, and if you don't change the grading scale, she's never going to get into the University of Virginia,'" he says, referring to the state's highly selective, flagship public university. "I'm thinking, no, we're going to have to change the grading scale a lot." After all, the goal is achieving fairness, not fantasy.

What pathetic bunch of dicks. Your precious little faggot kids need to learn to play by the rules, plain and simple. Grow the fuck up, losers. 






No, "over-protective pussy" isn't a product I own. 



Friday, January 30, 2009

Fuck you, Massachusetts Turnpike



I hope you get fucking AIDS and cancer and fucking SARS and monkeyfuckingpox and vaginosis and nut cancer and the clap and emphysema and genital warts and sickle cell anemia and herpes and crabs and carpal tunnel syndrome (huh?).  

Thanks for unnecessarily making my already shitty one-hour commute a fucking ball-bending two plus hours long again today. I hate you, you shittily designed piece of shit. 






No, when you start out with AIDS it's not too hard to top it.
 

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Driver's side cuntbag



On my way in to work this morning, my drive was extended from the normal one hour to a full two hours. Needless to say, by the end my nerves were frayed as fuck. So when a woman in her uppity cuntity BMW tried to get into my lane without signaling, I went a little berserk, yelling right at her "NO FUCKING WAY, YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!" I screamed so loud I got an instant headache like ones you get when you drink a slurpee too fast. The woman looked terrified. She applied her brakes and then got into the lane directly behind me. She then made every turn I made, following me all the way into my parking garage. I couldn't keep my eyes off of my rearview mirror, trying to gauge if she was angry, crazy, a co-worker or all three. As we entered the garage my anger soon led to fear. Fear that not only might I have to look this woman in the eye when we exited our cars but also that she might ride up in the elevator with me. Fortunately, she parked on a different floor. This kind of thing has happened to me several times before though. Two weeks ago, anxious to get home, I tailgated some pussy who was doing the speed limit on the road leading to the street my house is on. I was flashing my lights and honking at him, being a total asshole. Not until we got about 100 yards from my street did I realize this could be a neighbor of mine. Sure enough, he turned into our street. I just kept on going right past the street as if I didn't live anywhere near there. Humiliated, I drove another 1/4 mile before I turned around and eventually skulked into my driveway much later than I would've been had I just been a pussy and drove the speed limit. So what have I learned? Nothing. I will continue to blow my fucking fuse every time someone fucks with me on the road. Maybe someday I'll do it to the wrong person and get shot or stabbed or beaten about the beautiful face and neck. Then I'll learn.






Not too drivey.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Another review of the funniest website of all-time.



Today's topic: How some fairy tales from two thousand years ago can have an impact on some fairy tails today. (Not too witty and beyond your comprehension of all that is witty.)


The following was taken from the homophobic Christian values website focusonthefamily.com, The article is reprinted here verbatim. My comments are in red (obviously)


Cause for Concern (Same-Sex Counseling)

Many who experience homosexual temptations and impulses are responding to the Gospel message that unwanted same-sex attractions can be overcome (Amazing choice of words there. The brilliant Mr. Show once had a skit that featured a gay rehab called 'overcome'. It was funny then and it's funny now. Why wouldn't the focus on the family writer just use another word? Umm, conquered or defeated maybe?) 

by Focus on the Family Issue Analysts (tee-hee ANALysts) 

Bowing (or bending over) to the forces of political correctness, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) in 1998 issued a position statement "rebuking" practices that are broadly referred to as "reparative therapy" for homosexuality. (Yes, that could be their only reason for rebuking those policies. It had to be political correctness and not in any way tied to the notion that it might be a bit inhumane to humiliate and physically force someone to fight  what is in their nature.) In 2000, the APA affirmed this opposition to psychiatric treatment of reparative or conversion therapy. Holding the view that homosexuality is a normal variant of human sexuality, their concern was with groups who were motivated by the view that homosexuality is morally wrong and harmful to society. While the 1998 statement said that there are risks to such therapies, no evidence was offered to support this claim (Umm, maybe they assumed common sense might prevail, you fucking jackasses. Do you honestly need scientific studies to figure this out? You don't require any proof whatsoever of God or Jesus' existence yet this subject must have scientific validation? You don't even believe the overwhelming scientific evidence for the theory of evolution, why would anyone bother trying to convince you of anything with evidence ever again?)

What is evident, however, is that the American Psychiatric Association was simply agreeing with pro-homosexual activists (Of course they agree, the faggots can be very persuasive with their anal/oral torture techniques you know) and with the American Psychological Association, which had passed a similar, but broader, resolution in 1997. Here, the American Psychological Association claimed that treatment for unwanted homosexual behavior is harmful, unethical and unsuccessful. Of note, this resolution also supports the client's right to self-determination and autonomy – calling for psychologists to "respect the rights of others to hold values, attitudes and opinions that differ from their own." Clearly, this would include religious beliefs upholding the biblical view that God's created intent for sexual expression is limited to a monogamous, covenantal marriage relationship between one man and one woman. (Oooh, this is their big "Ah-ha!" moment, but it is meaningless because the APA is not denying this point. Sure you Christian assholes can have your opinion of God's intent for sexual expression- isn't it for a man and woman to shit on each other in the presence of no less than two farm animals?- but you don't have the right to force that belief on anyone else. Why can't you understand that?)

Significantly, both groups ignored the fact that many individuals who experience same-sex attractions are dissatisfied with the situation and seek professional help in aligning their thoughts and behaviors with their convictions and faith. (Yeah, they seek help because they are confused and upset by assholes like you ridiculing, beating and judging them.) In short, many who experience homosexual temptations and impulses are responding to the Gospel message that unwanted same-sex attractions can be overcome (And often with the help of a friendly pastor who quietly rapes them and overcomes all over their faces.). And as they seek pastoral and professional psychological counseling, they find that change and transformation are, indeed, possible. (Glory be to God who apparently hates you for making you the way he did.)

Copyright © 2008 Focus on the Family. 





Not too implying I'm gay at this point. 


PS> ANYONE can make a comment on my blog now. You no longer need to be registered or will endure any of that word verification bullshit. 

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

"I saw Dimitri" = Genius.





Hey, idiots, stop having fucking children already!



You may think your kids are going to grow up and have perfect little lives but they won't. Stop fantasizing and start thinking about the fucking abysmal realities they face. Like this. 

Global warming 'irreversible' for next 1000 years: study

WASHINGTON (AFP) – Climate change is "largely irreversible" for the next 1,000 years even if carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions could be abruptly halted, according to a new study led by the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA).
The study's authors said there was "no going back" after the report showed that changes in surface temperature, rainfall and sea level are "largely irreversible for more than 1,000 years after CO2 emissions are completely stopped."
NOAA senior scientist Susan Solomon said the study, published in this week's Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences journal, showed that current human choices on carbon dioxide emissions are set to "irreversibly change the planet."
Researchers examined the consequences of CO2 building up beyond present-day concentrations of 385 parts per million, and then completely stopping emissions after the peak. Before the industrial age CO2 in Earth's atmosphere amounted to only 280 parts per million.
The study found that CO2 levels are irreversibly impacting climate change, which will contribute to global sea level rise and rainfall changes in certain regions.
The authors emphasized that increases in CO2 that occur from 2000 to 2100 are set to "lock in" a sea level rise over the next 1,000 years.
Rising sea levels would cause "irreversible commitments to future changes in the geography of the Earth, since many coastal and island features would ultimately become submerged," the study said.
Decreases in rainfall that last for centuries can be expected to have a range of impacts, said the authors. Regional impacts include -- but are not limited to -- decreased human water supplies, increased fire frequency, ecosystem change and expanded deserts.




Not too fucking sick of breeders.