The amazing website "Focus on the Family" has done it again. They have shown me the light!! Here are their thoughts on how greedy corporations utilize questionable marketing strategies to get your kids to buy their products. Hmmm, I smell some serious hypocritical shit coming on. I now present to you their words verbatim. My comments are in red, obviously.
Marketing Strategies.
Advertisers know the possible long-term benefits of marketing to kids. Here are several of their strategies (which we employ, embrace and fully abuse in the Catholic church)
Corporations research kids’ fantasies, artwork and behavior to understand what techniques will best affect them. (Yeah, that's how you market shit, dickweeds. Why does Focus on the Family try to make this practice seem so insidious? Like marketers are violating your children's rights. Oh wait, that's right, only their priests can do that with their touchy-feely hands and mouths. What the fuck?)
Children like to collect things. Some notable companies have capitalized on this by making a variety of products and then convincing kids that they have to obtain them all. Pokémon and Ty Beanie Babies are two corporations who have been especially good at this technique. (Ummm, maybe you should look within your own web store, Focus on the Family. )
Toy companies personify their stuffed animals and dolls, giving them names and birthdays. (December 25th anyone?) This strategy allows kids to connect with their toys as if they were real. (Not at all like the "Armor of God" bear they sell. See photo below)
“Kidfluence” or “pester power” — marketing lingo encourages kids to influence their parents’ spending. (Pssst, kids. Check out "Holy Land" in Orlando!)
“Buzz marketing” or “street marketing” refers to companies’ efforts to get popular kids in a neighborhood to wear or use their products, thus automatically making their merchandise fashionable. (But not like this WWJD bracelet we sell)
“Cross-selling” is when two or more companies advertise each other’s products to reach a broader audience. For example, Burger King made a deal with the makers of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Before the movie came out, Burger King promoted the characters. In return, Burger King was included in the movie. Cross-selling is a more complicated version of licensing. (VeggieTales anyone?)
Marketers of teen movies and video games pursue children by advertising violent action toys.
Although kids aren’t supposed to be allowed to watch them, PG-13 and R-rated movies are marketed directly to children under 17. (Thank goodness there's no violence or sex in the Bible.)
The "Armor of God" bear (available on the Focus on the Family web store ) includes "a parents' guide to help introduce and reinforce Christian values. Recommended for ages 3 and up." Enough said.
Oh and just in case you think I'm unfairly picking on this wonderful organization that only wants to help people become better human beings, check this article out, yo!
Not too going to Hell.
2 comments:
Clearly they haven't paid anyone to update their pop cult references in the last fifteen years. Way to stay hip, guys.
I had no idea VeggieTales was Christian-based. I mean, it was bad enough when I thought it was just tales about vegetables; now I learn it's about Bible-thumping vegetables? Has there ever been a lamer premise for a cartoon? (Don't you dare say Magilla Gorilla, asshole. That fucking monkey ruled.) And for the record, you are not going to hell, MSG -- the creators of VeggieTale-type shit and all of its evil offspring are the ones going to hell. Oh, and you, too probably, now that I think about it. Sorry.
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