Buckle the fuck up

My predictions for 2008: 

1) Sifting through the garbage cans outside Michael Jackson's home, a member of the paparazzi solves the world's fuel woes by discovering a new energy source created from a concoction not found anywhere else on Earth: semen, dirty diapers, blood and and pre-pubescent boy sweat.  (God that was a long walk for a ham sandwich.)

2) Ryan Adams, the popular singer-songwriter, will alternately annoy and thrill the living shit out of me. 

3) Full-back panties will make a huge comeback (so many puns intended there) after a wildly popular magazine exclusively featuring the underwear design is published and distributed to schoolchildren nationwide. 

4) A fireworks mishap somewhere will mar July 4th celebrations.

5) The economic situation in America worsens to the point where new mothers will have to actually, gasp!, go to work instead of stare at their fucking kids all day thinking of more and more ways to protect them. 

6) A new toy dreamt up by wunderkind, Nobes, called "Monstro™" will sweep the action figure, television and movie industries by storm. 

7) At their tour finale, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band will come out for a 6th encore and play Incident on 57th Street "one last time, for Nobes," moments after Nobes blows his head off because he thought the concert was over. 

8) The democrats will have a Africunt-American ticket when Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton join forces. 

9) I will complete a marathon in October.

10) China will experience a massive 7.9 earthquake that will kill at least 50,000 people and will change the very landscape, creating "quake lakes" that will threaten even more lives. 

Not too prescient.