So very fat and so very stupid.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Bumper sticker douche
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On my way into work today, a car passed me with the following bumper stickers on it:
1) Minor Threat
2) The Clash
3) I don't brake for Yankees fans
4) Fast pitch softball!
What a fucking badass, huh?
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On my way into work today, a car passed me with the following bumper stickers on it:
1) Minor Threat
2) The Clash
3) I don't brake for Yankees fans
4) Fast pitch softball!
What a fucking badass, huh?
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Just shut the fuck up.
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This rules for so many reasons.
This is nearly as good. Too bad Trey looks like such a douche. His solo is mind blowing though.
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This rules for so many reasons.
This is nearly as good. Too bad Trey looks like such a douche. His solo is mind blowing though.
Stop being a fucking dickbitch.
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You know who you are. You're the fucking dumb dick in front of me every time I go through the "Fast Lane" (total misnomer) at the toll booth who slows down to a near stop before going through. Why? Why do you almost stop in the "Fast" Lane? Oh right, it's because you are such a retarded fuck and you don't have your transponder attached to your windshield like you're are supposed to. So instead you have to fish for the fucking thing in your purse or glove box. ("Glove box", incidentally, was Spanish Johnny's sister's nickname in high school.) Now, please tell me why you are so afraid to keep your Fast Lane transponder affixed to your windshield. Is it because you're frightened that someone will steal it and charge tens of dollars as they drive care-free between the two states that accept Fast Lane? Is it because it impairs your vision? Well I'm sure looking into your purse and sorting through all the vaginal yeast creams, used condoms and pictures of naked Chinese dentists in order to locate the transponder while driving doesn't impair your vision at all, huh? Honestly, I hope next time you're pausing at the Fast Lane to fetch your transponder a truck with a payload of medical waste tips over on you, dropping thousands of A.I.D.S., Hep C and Bleeding Asshole Disease (it's a problem in some third world countries) infected hypodermic needles into your open sun-roof. Each little prick of a needle inching you closer to a painful death.
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You know who you are. You're the fucking dumb dick in front of me every time I go through the "Fast Lane" (total misnomer) at the toll booth who slows down to a near stop before going through. Why? Why do you almost stop in the "Fast" Lane? Oh right, it's because you are such a retarded fuck and you don't have your transponder attached to your windshield like you're are supposed to. So instead you have to fish for the fucking thing in your purse or glove box. ("Glove box", incidentally, was Spanish Johnny's sister's nickname in high school.) Now, please tell me why you are so afraid to keep your Fast Lane transponder affixed to your windshield. Is it because you're frightened that someone will steal it and charge tens of dollars as they drive care-free between the two states that accept Fast Lane? Is it because it impairs your vision? Well I'm sure looking into your purse and sorting through all the vaginal yeast creams, used condoms and pictures of naked Chinese dentists in order to locate the transponder while driving doesn't impair your vision at all, huh? Honestly, I hope next time you're pausing at the Fast Lane to fetch your transponder a truck with a payload of medical waste tips over on you, dropping thousands of A.I.D.S., Hep C and Bleeding Asshole Disease (it's a problem in some third world countries) infected hypodermic needles into your open sun-roof. Each little prick of a needle inching you closer to a painful death.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
No, our priorities are straight
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Kanye West makes three (3!) public apologies to Taylor Swift for interrupting her fucking MTV award acceptance speech but that racist fucking rude republican pig, Joe Wilson, refuses to apologize more than once for interrupting the fucking President of the United States? Fuck you. And fuck the fucking gay media for sucking so much balls. And fuck this gay blog for existing. I hate it.
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Kanye West makes three (3!) public apologies to Taylor Swift for interrupting her fucking MTV award acceptance speech but that racist fucking rude republican pig, Joe Wilson, refuses to apologize more than once for interrupting the fucking President of the United States? Fuck you. And fuck the fucking gay media for sucking so much balls. And fuck this gay blog for existing. I hate it.
Friday, September 4, 2009
This has not been photoshopped in any way
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More like "Fairyland."
Homo milk. Yes, that's the name of a dairy product sold in Canada. "Homo" is short for homogenized (I hope). My brother sent the carton to me many years ago. Only now did I feel comfortable enough to share it with you.
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More like "Fairyland."Homo milk. Yes, that's the name of a dairy product sold in Canada. "Homo" is short for homogenized (I hope). My brother sent the carton to me many years ago. Only now did I feel comfortable enough to share it with you.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Did you ever know that you're my hero...
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Check out this fucking awesome story about a man who slapped a stranger's baby (a baby who probably deserved it) in a Wal-Mart. Now, before you go thinking that this man was me, I want to assure you that I would never, ever, ever set foot in a Wal-Mart. Not even for the awesome opportunity to slap the shit out of someone's baby.
From www.inquisitr.com
Author : Kim LaCapria Posted: September 2, 2009
Anyone who’s had to shop at Wal-Mart knows that a cacophony of screeching babies is part of the tapestry of America’s most gigantic retailer. A South Carolina man decided he wasn’t going to stand by quietly and allow the child to persist in ruining his otherwise pleasant Wal-Mart shopping experience. After threatening the child’s mother, he slapped the 2-year-old girl “four or five times” across the face. Sonya Mathews, the mother of the 2-year-old child, told police that both were walking in the aisles of the Rockbridge Road store when Roger Stephens, 61, approached and said “if you don’t shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you,” according to a police report. A few moments later, in another aisle, Stephens grabbed the 2-year-old and slapped her across the face four or five times, according to the report. Stephens then told Mathews, “See, I told you I would shut her up,” according to the report. According to reports, Mathews was detained by a bystander until police arrived. When questioned, the 61-year-old man explained that while he had indeed slapped a strange baby across the face, he apologized to her mother afterwards. He was still booked for felony cruelty to children.
Now look at the guy who did it.
Jerry Van Dyke from "Coach" ?
The sad part of this is that the authorities didn't recognize that the real child abuse occurred when that loser mother subjected her kid to a trip to Wal-Mart.
No, my baby punching videos ignited a firestorm of controversy on the level I anticipated.
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Check out this fucking awesome story about a man who slapped a stranger's baby (a baby who probably deserved it) in a Wal-Mart. Now, before you go thinking that this man was me, I want to assure you that I would never, ever, ever set foot in a Wal-Mart. Not even for the awesome opportunity to slap the shit out of someone's baby.
From www.inquisitr.com
Author : Kim LaCapria Posted: September 2, 2009
Anyone who’s had to shop at Wal-Mart knows that a cacophony of screeching babies is part of the tapestry of America’s most gigantic retailer. A South Carolina man decided he wasn’t going to stand by quietly and allow the child to persist in ruining his otherwise pleasant Wal-Mart shopping experience. After threatening the child’s mother, he slapped the 2-year-old girl “four or five times” across the face. Sonya Mathews, the mother of the 2-year-old child, told police that both were walking in the aisles of the Rockbridge Road store when Roger Stephens, 61, approached and said “if you don’t shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you,” according to a police report. A few moments later, in another aisle, Stephens grabbed the 2-year-old and slapped her across the face four or five times, according to the report. Stephens then told Mathews, “See, I told you I would shut her up,” according to the report. According to reports, Mathews was detained by a bystander until police arrived. When questioned, the 61-year-old man explained that while he had indeed slapped a strange baby across the face, he apologized to her mother afterwards. He was still booked for felony cruelty to children.
Now look at the guy who did it.
Jerry Van Dyke from "Coach" ?
The sad part of this is that the authorities didn't recognize that the real child abuse occurred when that loser mother subjected her kid to a trip to Wal-Mart.
No, my baby punching videos ignited a firestorm of controversy on the level I anticipated.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Aw, what a cute baby!
Who is this maniac?
NEW ADDITION:
You be the judge. Which take is the better take?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
"isn't this weather just the worst?"
Yeah, it is. And we all fucking know it, so stop making it even worse with your bullshit, inane fucking elevator small talk, you fat fucking load.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
If I hold the elevator door open for you...
It's called class people. Get some. I already have more than I can handle.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Otherwise known as Janice Dickinson's vagina
Smelly 'corpse flower' attracts large crowd
St. Louis -- A rare, smelly "corpse flower" at the University of Missouri in St. Louis drew hundreds of visitors and thousands of webcam spectators.
Greenhouse manager Kathy Upton said Monday that the nearly 5-foot-tall plant bloomed from Saturday afternoon until midday Sunday. She described the smell as similar to that of a dead animal on the side of the road. The smelly plant gives off a distinctive odor to attract insects that pollinate.
Upton said a different "corpse flower" bloomed at the greenhouse in 2001. The plant that bloomed this weekend hadn't done so in 14 years. She said there's no way to predict when it will bloom.
HEY-OH!!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Yet another G.O.P-iece of shit is exposed as a hypocrite.
FUCKING HYPOCRITE!
By RANDY JAMES for TIME.com
The news blindsided official Washington: Sen. John Ensign, a well-known social conservative and family-values advocate, admitted on June 16 to an eight-month extramarital affair with a married campaign aide. The Nevada Republican's sober confession, read before a pack of reporters in Las Vegas, doubtlessly dashed the hopes of many in the party who considered Ensign an emerging national leader. The 51-year-old even fanned the flames of presidential speculation earlier this month, with a trip to the key presidential state of Iowa. Beyond embarrassing the second-term Senator, the revelation opened him to charges of hypocrisy: he had previously called on both President Clinton and former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig to resign after their own sex scandals.
Here's what Jay Leno would've had to say about it if he were still on TV:
"Maybe it's time for Mr. Ensign, to- hee-hee-hee- RESIGN!!!"
Here's what David Letterman will have to say about it:
"I'll bet he had a GRAND OLD PARTY...in her pants!!!"
Here's what David Letterman will say about it as heard through the ears of Sarah Palin:
"...And number one on the top 10 list of things I want to do before my next heart attack: I want to fuck Willow Palin in the ass!!!!!!"
Here's what I have to say about it:
"Did anyone hear that Bruce Springsteen performed with Phish the other night?"
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
No, a lot of people will care about this.
Bruce Springsteen's appearance on stage with Phish the other night is not as "out there" as one might think.
Bruce used to be the leader of a heavy metal/jam band known as Child which then became Steel Mill which then became Dr. Zoom & The Sonic Boom which then became The Bruce Springsteen Band. Check this heavy shit out, faggots.
In 1995, he also guested with Solar Circus (a Jersey jam band from the 90's) and fucking blew people's minds with an unexpected solo on their original tune "Brighter Days." Of course, he also did "Mustang Sally" with them. That seems to be his jam band go-to tune. Check out the performance (and the goofy, ecstatic faces of the band) here:
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