Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Only one thing could bring me out of retirement to write on this stupid ass blog again

...and that happens to be fucking ridiculous mothers with nothing better to do than complain about meaningless bullshit. Like these whores over at onemillionmoms.com. Their latest target is Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream. But why? Why hurt the nice ice cream men? Oh, because they created a special limited batch of delicious ice cream named after a Saturday Night Live skit? That's right, these bored, useless snatches have taken up arms over "Shweddy Balls." Here's their fucking retarded argument (note the anti-gay sentiments too).

Ben & Jerry's Tasteless Ice Cream Flavors

Ben & Jerry's announced their newest ice cream flavor which sounds anything but appealing. Schweddy Balls is the best they could come up with. The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive. Not exactly what you want a child asking for at the supermarket.
The name originated from a Saturday Night Live skit featuring Alec Baldwin as Pete Schweddy, owner of a holiday bakery called Season's Eatings. "There are lots of great treats this time of year," Schweddy says. "Zucchini bread, fruitcake, but the thing I most like to bring out at this time of the year are my balls."

He then explains that he sells popcorn balls, cheese balls, rum balls—balls for every taste—and the ball puns proceed for about four minutes. Ben & Jerry's chose to go with fudge-covered rum and malt balls for their flavor. The skit culminates in Baldwin stating that "No one can resist my Schweddy Balls."

In the past, Ben & Jerry's has released controversial ice creams, like a special edition of Chubby Hubby called Hubby Hubby last year which celebrated gay marriage. It seems that offending customers has become an annual tradition for Ben & Jerry's.

The ice cream is being released in a limited batch, which means it will be distributed nationwide but only for three or four months. If it proves popular, another batch might be forthcoming, but we hope not.

"The name is irreverent," says Ben & Jerry's spokesman Sean Greenwood. "But we've always been about having some irreverence and having some fun ... We're not trying to offend people. Our fans get the humor."


Please send Ben & Jerry's Public Relations Manager, Sean Greenwood, an email letter requesting that no additional Schweddy Balls ice cream be distributed. Also, highly recommend they refrain from producing another batch with this name or any other offensive names or you will no longer be able to purchase their products.


Ooooh "Take Action!!!!" Yes, we must stop this unbelievably harmful thing from hurting our children immediately! Fuck texting and driving, this shit is serious. Just imagine what will happen when my child see the words Schweddy Balls on a product? They might actually giggle, God forbid. I hate these cunts. Get a life, you stupid pigs. Get a life and write a blog like me!

(Yes, I am aware this story is very old news. In fact, I had completely forgotten about it until today when I went back into to edit some stupid shit on this useless blog and saw that this post was sitting there un-posted. Re-reading it fired me up and now I feel my one follower should see it. )


Anonymous said...

Preach on, Brudda!

Gleemonex said...

Christ but I love you, sir. SO hard.

I miss you on the bloglands ... come on out and party sometime, willya?

Yr one remaining fan,