May your tiny lungs fill with water, depriving you of life, you worthless little dick.

Chance are, you are an asshole. And of course that means that chances are your kid is too. In fact, your kid is probably more of an asshole. Which greatly improves the chances of me wanting to kill him/her/It. When I'm sitting by a pool at, say, a hotel, attempting to relax, the last thing I want to hear is your waste-of-jizz kid screaming his tiny balls off. I would imagine, judging by how most of you ignore your kids, that's how you feel too. So why the FUCK won't you do anything about it? Why do you let your shitty little kids scream for fucking hours on end- at the top of their lungs in the pool? Which begs the question, why do kids scream so fucking loud in pools? Is chlorinated water so incredibly fucking rare? And it's not even the old "Marco-Polo" thing anymore. It's just fucking high-pitched, ridiculously loud screams. And "noodles." Oh my fucking God, the noodles. The gayest toy ever invented. Every kid sits there and rides the fucking thing like a giant, styrofoam dildo. You know how many shitty asses have touched those things? And yet, you let little Tommy ride his ass and balls all up and down that thing. It's so developmentally faggy. But then there's the little dickweeds who slap the noodles on the water, creating little mini gunshot sound effects. Yeah, that's a relaxing day by the pool. Listening to gunshots all day. By the end of one hour of this today, I was wincing and jerking after each noodle slap like I was a Vietnam vet. And yet you as a parent just sit there, ignoring your kids and their ability to ruin everyone else's enjoyment. Don't deny it, I watch you. Your precious, little pain in the balls kid could be drowning and you wouldn't even know it. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. It's never happened when I'm there anyway. The most I can hope for, I guess, is that the chlorine will burn their little retinas off. That would be sweet. But you go on reading your "Modern Cunt" magazines and talking to the other moms at the pool who are no longer interested in their children. Look, I get that pool time for kids is fun and you just want to exhaust them so maybe you can quietly weep as you finger yourself in the shower tonight to finish off what your husband started but couldn't complete but for God's sake please try to remember there are other people at the pool. Maybe, just once, you could act like a real adult and ask your kids to keep it down. It's okay, mommy and daddy, your kid can still have fun. You won't be depriving them of anything. Except, quite possibly, an untimely death. 

Not too relaxing.