So who's waiting with baited breath to hear the latest Nobes rant? (cue the crickets chirping sound effects). Well, fuck you. I'm doing it anyway. Today I want to talk about how utterly useless you are. Yes you. Or, more accurately, that thing which defines you as a person. And, if you are like 95% of Americans, that would be your job. Do you really think your job is so important? Let me assure you, it's not. It's certainly not so important that you've got to be on your Blackberry (or crackberry as some nutsuckers call it) constantly? Or your gay bluetooth headset? In a fucking crowded elevator? Or on a treadmill in the gym? Or, and I swear I saw this the other day, on your bicycle while your supposedly out on a leisurely ride? Are you joking? I so badly want to jam that fucking thing so deep in your ear that I reach a lobe of your useless brain. God that would be so satisfying. Just to watch someone die as a direct result of their bluetooth headset.
Well my guess is, that happens a lot. I'm sure many fatal car accidents are caused by assholes on their phones. I could do research on that pretty easily but I don't want to. I know it's true. The point is, it's not the phones that are so annoying. It's the dickwarts who think they're so unbelievably important that they absolutely must be heard no matter where they are. I heard a guy today (and let me clarify here that I didn't OVERhear him. He was in my elevator speaking with more volume than if he were actually stuck in the elevator and had to communicate with outside rescue teams by yelling up the elevator shaft. So I wasn't eavesdropping) talking to someone in his office. What he was saying is of little significance. Not to the story. But to Life in general. What he was saying was so unbelievably mundane and meaningless but he tried to make it sound important. Of course he did, if he didn't make his job seem important he might actually realize what a useless piece of shit he really is in this world. Contributing nothing.Fuck this. I don't have it in me today to continue this rant. I'm going to see Springsteen tomorrow night. I can't possibly be angry.
Not too much of a waste of your time.
2 comments:
I hope you know I consider the phrase "insane motherfucker" to be a term of endearment. My love of your social commentary is only equaled by my fear of your scorn. And after that knives, duct tape and pretzel slims comment, Spanish Johnny's charm is growing on me too.
Bless you, norma d. Spanish Johnny really needs to include more rape jokes in his page for sure.
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