When I was about 16 years old I found a picture of my mother's boyfriend with his cock in his hand. Oh do I have your attention now? Fuck yeah I do. So anyway, I found this picture right out in the open. If one considers "right out in the open" to mean deep in the back of her underwear drawer underneath some packages of everyday hosiery. And who doesn't? Well I certainly do. I guess that's why I was the little asshole who used to go through everyone's drawers in the house. I don't know why. Most of the time, I found nothing. And ninety percent of the time that I did find something, it was emotionally scarring. Yet I searched and searched. I found a bottle of Demerol in my Dad's briefcase when I was 14. I took one and had the best fucking high of my life as I melted into the family couch and watched a video I had rented earlier in the day called "
Bloodsucking Freaks." It's a nice movie, you should check it out. But I digress. So I found this fucking disgusting picture of my mother's Asian boyfriend sitting on the couch in my mother's room. Oh and did I mention that his cock was in his hand? I did? Okay, just wanted to be sure that you knew the picture was of my mom's Asian boyfriend with his cock in his hand. Anyway, the "portrait" was taken with him sitting on the very couch I had to sit down on when my legs nearly gave way after finding the picture. Legs that then catapulted me out of that fucking seat the second I realized I was sitting in the same spot as my mom's big-cock-holdin' boyfriend was in the picture. I've never moved so fast. It was as if someone had lit a brick of firecrackers under my nuts. I looked at this photo for a long time. Why? What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't know. I was mesmerized. I felt like this moment couldn't possibly be happening. But, of course, sadly, it was. The guy was slumped on the couch, holding his erect penis in his hand with his tongue sticking out, trying to be seductive. No, seriously. Like that's so sexy. A fucking tongue hanging out like a tired dog or a dead raccoon on the side of the road. Ignoring his twisted visage I instead focused on the matter at hand, so to speak. His cock. It was way bigger than I had been led to believe Asian men normally had. This disturbed me on so many levels. Seeking strength in numbers, I yelled for my brother to come into the room immediately. In the time it took him to run into the room, something devastating dawned upon me- someone had to take that picture. I'm nearly vomiting as I write about it so you can imagine how I felt then. Yes, it occurred to me that my fucking mom snapped this shot. The blood rushed from my head, and I smelled burning oranges. I was milliseconds from fainting when my brother came into the room, saw the picture and laughed uproariously. That laughter brought me back to reality. Thank God he was there. It was hilarious. I see that now. I have to. What the hell else can I do but laugh? My mother's boyfriend- who, by the way, was a total dickweed elitist douche- was holding his cock right in front of us. He had no idea we could see his humiliating display and that was great for us. Every time we saw him thereafter we'd giggle like little schoolgirls and he'd have no idea why. Tee-hee! Of course, if he had a ladyfinger (Asian firework reference) dick, it would've been a lot better but this was still pretty awesome. What a total dick. Who would pose for a photo like that? You might then ask who would take a picture like that? Hey, back the fuck off, that's my mom. I love her very much, and if she wants to get a little freaky in her spare time, that's cool. Just hide the shit better next time. Damn, girl. You know you raised disrespectful asshole kids who had no respect for anyone's privacy, you shoulda locked that shit up in a safe deposit box. Anyway, here's the kicker. That guy was not only my mom's boyfriend. He was also my dentist. I had to see him for another year or two after that for bi-annual cleanings. That's right, a man who's dick I clearly should never, ever have seen had his dick-holding hands all up in my mouth. His dick by proxy was in my mouth. Sure he wore rubber gloves but do you think that made it any better in my mind? Now I knew what his dick in a rubber tasted like, essentially. I have not visited a male dentist since. No, I'm stable and rational.
