Deadophile

No, he doesn't look exactly like this right now. 

If I hold the elevator door open for you...

...you'd better fucking at least acknowledge me, bitch. If you're pregnant and you don't thank me or even acknowledge me, what I should do is punch you in the gut and watch that little faggot kid of yours spill out on the floor, but instead I''ll probably just smile uncomfortably and silently wish A.I.D.S. upon you. 

It's called class people. Get some. I already have more than I can handle. 

Otherwise known as Janice Dickinson's vagina

Smelly 'corpse flower' attracts large crowd

St. Louis -- A rare, smelly "corpse flower" at the University of Missouri in St. Louis drew hundreds of visitors and thousands of webcam spectators.
Greenhouse manager Kathy Upton said Monday that the nearly 5-foot-tall plant bloomed from Saturday afternoon until midday Sunday. She described the smell as similar to that of a dead animal on the side of the road. The smelly plant gives off a distinctive odor to attract insects that pollinate.
Upton said a different "corpse flower" bloomed at the greenhouse in 2001. The plant that bloomed this weekend hadn't done so in 14 years. She said there's no way to predict when it will bloom.

HEY-OH!!!!!!!!

Yet another G.O.P-iece of shit is exposed as a hypocrite.

FUCKING HYPOCRITE!

By RANDY JAMES for TIME.com

 The news blindsided official Washington: Sen. John Ensign, a well-known social conservative and family-values advocate, admitted on June 16 to an eight-month extramarital affair with a married campaign aide. The Nevada Republican's sober confession, read before a pack of reporters in Las Vegas, doubtlessly dashed the hopes of many in the party who considered Ensign an emerging national leader. The 51-year-old even fanned the flames of presidential speculation earlier this month, with a trip to the key presidential state of Iowa. Beyond embarrassing the second-term Senator, the revelation opened him to charges of hypocrisy: he had previously called on both President Clinton and former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig to resign after their own sex scandals.

Here's what Jay Leno would've had to say about it if he were still on TV: 

"Maybe it's time for Mr. Ensign, to- hee-hee-hee- RESIGN!!!"

Here's what David Letterman will have to say about it: 

"I'll bet he had a GRAND OLD PARTY...in her pants!!!"

Here's what David Letterman will say about it as heard through the ears of Sarah Palin:

"...And number one on the top 10 list of things I want to do before my next heart attack: I want to fuck Willow Palin in the ass!!!!!!"

Here's what I have to say about it:

"Did anyone hear that Bruce Springsteen performed with Phish the other night?"

No, a lot of people will care about this.

Bruce Springsteen's appearance on stage with Phish the other night is not as "out there" as one might think. 

Bruce used to be the leader of a heavy metal/jam band known as Child which then became Steel Mill which then became Dr. Zoom & The Sonic Boom which then became The Bruce Springsteen Band. Check this heavy shit out, faggots. 

Steel Mill - The Wind And The Rain (Live) -Bruce Springsteen
by brucetapes

In 1995, he also guested with Solar Circus (a Jersey jam band from the 90's) and fucking blew people's minds with an unexpected solo on their original tune "Brighter Days." Of course, he also did "Mustang Sally" with them. That seems to be his jam band go-to tune. Check out the performance (and the goofy, ecstatic faces of the band) here: 

Oh, so that's why I spontaneously ejaculated without provocation the other night.

That's right, my two worlds came together (and I with them) on Sunday night when the God of Gods, Bruce Springsteen, joined the ultimate guitar God, Trey Anastasio (and his band Phish) on stage for three songs. Of course, I wasn't there to witness it but let me assure you it was an epic meeting that caused many a spontaneous ejaculation to occur. That being said, the music that came out of that meeting blew my mind more in theory than it did in it's execution. Nonetheless, it was better than anything the gay, over-rated Beatles ever did. 

Trey introduced Bruce to a crowd not familiar with or, quite frankly, respectful of Bruce Springsteen as "my boyhood hero and still my hero today." Fuck yeah he was, Trey, and all those wanna-be hippie faggots better recognize!

Then they launched into "Mustang Sally" with Bruce singing. This song was some common ground for the two distinctly different acts so it was a natural for them. Trey and Bruce traded guitar solos and, of course, Trey clearly came out as the better player but that's not what it was about. I've heard Bruce shred solos before but his style is usually much more visceral. This time it just came off  sloppier. As was his voice. It was rough. But none of that mattered. Here was Bruce Springsteen, Trey's and my idol, saying "come on Trey, play that thing!" It was fucking awesome if a little awkward at times.  They then jumped into the Bruce-penned "Bobby Jean." Apparently, Phish played it in the wrong key and Bruce sang like pure shit (probably because it was in the wrong key). It was just horrible....until Trey killed it with another solo that the song sorely needs when performed by Bruce. Immediately after that, they kicked into "Glory Days." Again, this stared off a bit rocky but soon wound up just plain rocking the fuck out. After all the verses had been sung in their typical fashion, Trey took over and fucking added newfound life to this song. Then Trey and Bruce once again played some dueling guitars and elevated the whole end to a joyous all out rawk fest. Watch the whole thing right here:

Blows your fucking head out your asshole, right? 

No? Go fuck yourself. You have no taste. I hope you die. Right now. 

Shut the fuck up, you stupid fucking cunt.