No, not "Nils Lofgren rules!!" But, rather, a set of rules that Mr. Nils Lofgren should abide by.
1) Do not ever sing back-up on any Bruce song ever again. The only exception being "Janey don't you lose heart." Your attempts to help out on "Long Walk Home" diminish the power of this song. Your croaky, munchkin-like voice which matches your stature is best suited for obscure Irish folk songs sung atop mushroom caps in the forest.
2) Guitar Solos. You are an accomplished guitar player, no doubt, but you must stop ruining the songs Bruce has "owned" (from a guitar solo stance) for years. Notably, "Prove it all Night" and "Because the Night." Your slick, smooth, note-perfect style does not suit these songs in any way. They need the gritty, string-breaking power that Springsteen has aptly applied to these songs over the last 30 years.
3) You are allowed to play on Bruce songs that haven't been previously perfected by Bruce. These would include "Youngstown," "Tunnel of Love," and "Pony Boy."
4) Know your place on stage. This is a Bruce Springsteen show God dammit, act like a man!! Enough with the fucking scarves. Little Steven has been doing that- and doing it well- for years. I thank God you came to your senses on the giant foam novelty cowboy hat you used to wear back in the day. Also, Your weird, wet-noodle dance moves upset small children in the audience. You are dangerously close to eclipsing Shane Fontaine.
5) Be wary of people who are not nearly qualified to judge you. People who have never been able to play one musical note, despite the fact that their mother sent them - quite often crying - to piano lessons every Thursday after school for years. And people who developed, while at said piano lessons, a lingering (pun intended) fascination with women's underwear when they saw a velvety red pair sticking out of the piano teacher's open fly. People who were so consumed with the sight of this underwear that they could not even hit two correct notes in a row off the sheet music for the "Tarantella" that they were to perfect for an upcoming recital. People that to this very day, 30 years later, still think about panties in all forms...but let's save that for another day.
No, this was interesting.
